My Christmas present to you.
To those most precious I leave behind, I am sorry I do not understand your fears of me.
Lonely pools of my own tears lay scattered from my own fears, Fear has no place to where I have to go.
I was a single father of a very beautiful daughter then got married to what you could only describe as "centerfold material" when my daughter was 5. We were a happy family till my daughters mother came out of the woodwork (she had nothing to do with us before I was married, went 3 years without seeing her daughter) and problems started. As a family, we went through hell with new baby's and the start of a legal nightmare.
My daughters mother stole my daughter from school one afternoon when my daughter was 9 and I didn't get to see her for quite some time until recently as she was about to turn 16 and now lives with my mother who stole her from my daughters mother (complicated I know, but I had been to family court 3 times over my daughter and wasn't going a fourth between them two) So now I get to see her again and I was asked to give her the fatherly talk as she was soon to turn 16. I had recently found the last of the answers I had been searching my entire life for on this "God issue" and thought if I could prove God to her then she would follow and I have nothing to worry about. I asked her to write down every argument against God and even helped her with a few questions against and then I shot them all down so that she could not find one single argument to support her science views against God.
That is what I wanted to share with the world and looked into how to get a website, it had to be a .com. By now you know the name of this website, the day after I bought it I rang my provider to find out how to make it a website and he was amazed and asked "How on earth did you get that name, that's amazing". No, it was a miracle. I bought 6 in total, the others have names like www.iwanttodie.com as I wanted to be able to try and help people who felt they had nothing left to live for and type into Google what they plan on doing tonight.
And so I invested more money to buy the add-ons to actually make a website and started to explain what I had learned and understood. I would think very carefully how to word things basically a paragraph at a time and I knew what I wanted to say to Christians though I was not prepared for what happened in those first days of writing this website.
I knew what I was going to write, I thought in depth on exactly what the next few lines would say and I knew the 1st word of the sentence I was going to type as well as the last. What I typed was not what I was thinking, my fingers just typed by themselves a sentence I had not ever thought of. What I meant to type was not even really distantly related to that one sentence. I knew what it was, I recognized the handy work of divine intervention and thought I could expand on that and go with it. I had very bad criticism of my early work, feed back I could get said it was hard to understand the way I wrote and early versions have been deleted but the message remains. What God showed me was he is not just a little, but very angry with Christians all the world over. We have mis-understood the prophets and have really stuffed up.
Once that sentence came out, I lived like a hermit until I had finished the website. I didn't go out unless totally needed and only drove my car because it was a tank, my work car with all my tools in it was 5 tons and I felt safe in that from Satan as all of a sudden I was very scared for my life as nothing else mattered except finish the website. I did not go to work or see my wife, I just worked on the website from my mothers place. I lost my wife, I lost my job, I felt I lost everything but only Gods message mattered.
I was wondering when and how Satan would show, it made sense that if this was a biblical work then where is Satan to stop me. In the middle of the works, I drove to my eldest brother who is a qualified computer programmer for help on the technical sides of this that I did not understand and ended up there quite late. I got back to my mothers place about 2:00am but all the parking under the units was full so I had to park out on the street. I had no key to enter the complex of units and would have to stand outside and ring a buzzer to wait for an answer to be let in, I was very scared to put myself in such a vulnerable position so I thought I would just wait in the car till the sun came up.
It was a rainy night but I had my window down for much needed fresh air and just waited, around 3:00am I was made aware of something bad about to happen and quickly wound up my window and made sure the door was locked then waited. Within 10 seconds I seen a figure approaching walking along the foot path and the pitch black rainy night. Just in front of my car the figure left the path and walked right past my window, the devil has a sense of humour as it was an Asian lady like out of the best song in the world film clip but how did I know this was the devil? It was a very dark rainy night, the figure had an umbrella in one hand and a torch in the other. The umbrella was not up and the torch was not on. I offer no shelter nor shine no light for you, there is only darkness if you look towards me.
I am sure I have not mentioned that I am a bit of a poet and a song writer, I will try to record myself singing a gospel song I wrote even though I do not consider myself to have a good singing voice and have myself up on Youtube before Christmas.
This song was unusual to me, usually when I am inspired to write a piece it is finished that same day within a few hours of starting. This song was different in that I wrote the 1st verse about 5 years ago and had not been able to finish it despite a few attempts to write anything at all to try and add to it slowly. About a month before this website was created I finished this song in no time but now as my knowledge has grown I look at the words to make sure it conforms to what I now know to be truth.
There was never any worship intended of Jesus and there is none implied in my lyrics, when I say "Jesus I put my faith in you", my intention is to show Jesus as the greatest of prophets and without his teachings then I could never aspire to be close in my relationship with God.
How great a prophet is he? From where we read about Jesus being crucified and the soldiers were putting lots on his clothes ( taking them for themselves as a kind of trophy) but the inner garment of Jesus was not removable as it was sewn up as a single piece and could not be removed without destroying it. This could possibly mean that Jesus was indeed perfect for it reminds me of when my youngest daughter was 1st born and being only breast fed she did not do a poo (dirty he nappy) until she was about a month old, asking the doctors about this while she was not doing a poo they told us she is in no pain so everything should be OK as it is known that breast fed babies can often be like this as the food they get is so perfect for them that they use it all and poo out nothing.
When we read that Jesus wore an inner garment that could not be removed you could assume that he was perfect in every way and had no need to defecate like the rest of us or even go for a wee. Could this be why the bible does not say "Jesus fed the 5000 then had to go take a dump" or "Take this cup and drink but 1st I need to take a piss".
Jesus was simply created perfect by God, even the prophet Muhammad spoke of Jesus being born of divine conception and knew very clearly the worthiness of Jesus to God. We should know about all the prophets but Jesus is above all yet no prophet has authority to change the law of God.
Are we ready?
How did this website begin?
The link above is a picture of Chinchilla Weir where one of the miracles occurred in my life that defies the laws of nature and physics enabled me to be here today and share with you my understandings through this web site. This is my proof but to you is just a story that may or may not be able to be substantiated. There is a 3rd witness who I have not seen in near 30 years and can't find him on facebook, would it make a difference to you being able to accept what I say is true?
I was around 18 y/o and the weir was in flood, 3 of us were swimming around with an air mattress in the undulating waters at the base of the weir, this alone was a pretty stupid thing to do.
I suggested it would be fun if we jumped in to what could be described as a water tube where the water running down the weir met the water below. Picture if you can the line across the weir where the water coming down the face of the weir hits the water below, it created a tube of spinning water that was like a tunnel from one side of the weir to the other, this tunnel was no more than 3 feet high above the water at the base of the weir.
The 3 of us stood side by side on the concrete wall on the side of the weir with the air mattress in front of us and we counted to 3 to jump in, there was no one else around for miles yet as we were about to jump I heard a loud voice simply scream "No". This voice surrounded me and came from no particular direction and could not be ignored, I did not jump.
To my horror, the 1st thing I realised is that I was still holding the air mattress and I had killed my own brother and our friend, there is no way you can survive flood waters without some form of assistance.
I looked to see my brother suspended in the turbulent tunnel of water with the top of the water barely reaching his breast and he had his arms by his side. I reached to him and he took my hand so I could pull him safely out. Silently we looked together along the river for any sign of Jason and I wondered how I would tell his father that I had killed his son.
From the same spot I had pulled my brother, an arm poked through the top of the spinning mass of water, not rotating with the water as I had time to again reach for the arm before it tumbled away out of sight, I pulled Jason from the river and was so thankfull that none of us had died on this day. We of course tried to discuss what had happened, there was no such thing as a foot hold for my brother an the steep weir face and Jason just recalls he was tumbling. If you were tumbling in a tunnel of water no more than 3 feet high, would you not extend all your limbs in some sort of attempt to get a foot onto something or grab hold of whatever? As such, why did I not see a flurry of limbs turning over an over again?
God be praised that you sent an Angel to us that day, my older brother was killed about a year before and you seen fit not to allow me to deal with more death on that day.
Lyrics to "Jesus" an original song by Saintan
Jesus, the pain you went through
And Jesus I put my faith in you
When I look above
I know why you love.
But Jesus look what we do
Yes Jesus, the pain I put you through.
And Jesus I don't know where I stand
so Lord won't you hold out your hand.
Though I don't always pray
I stand before you today
Lord change the heart of this man
And Lord make me part of your plan.
Another day and the devil walks by my side
I have a choice but I can't decide.
Though I didn't tell you what's true
No I didn't lie to you.
It was only to me that I lied
even though I thought I was justified.
Now I see the mistakes I had made
but couldn't see the price that I'd paid
and when I look at my worth
I've been a sinner from birth
and realize it's time that I prayed
Yes now it is time that I prayed.
Miracles, I thought I had seen my fair share but I am asking for one more big one. It takes time to prepare the way and all this is part of it, I have seen all corners of the globe visit this website and that is a miracle for sure. But tonight I wish to let you all know the other miracles God has allowed me to survive through.
I have a few qualifications, motor vehicle body builder, mechanic and electrical test and tagger. As such I fix all kinds of things and I was working on a 3 phase radial arm drill doing mechanical repairs to it. I plugged the machine back in to test the repairs so far and forgot to unplug it before continuing my repairs. As a qualified electrical test and tagger we were taught the different types of electrocutions you can get and what to expect from the different types. I copped the worst type, 415V in one hand and electricity follows the shortest path to earth which was my other hand resting on the machine, that means its path was straight through my heart and that is the type we were taught is your instant final nail in your coffin.
The pain was intense in my entire right arm but only as far up as my shoulder, it felt like an insulator was placed in my shoulder and stopped most of the electricity right there though I could feel the trickle going through my chest and down my other arm to exit through my hand. I was stunned but unscathed, the work mate who seen it all unfold quickly got me to sit down and my superior was notified and he recommended I go to hospital but I felt fine. I was still obviously in shock and was offered to just finish work for the day so I took the early mark and went home to my beautiful wife and kids.
Not long after that incident at the same work place (both these are in the last 12 months) 2 boss's and I had to look over a job in the top yard, you can get there via the concrete drive or walk around and up the dirt slope beside the perimeter fence. We walked up the easy way and looked over and discussed the job at hand then we all went to walk back to the office. A truck was being loaded with quite large structural beams of steel, one boss decided not to walk past the truck being loaded and turned around to walk the long way while the two of us remaining thought we would wait a second till the forklift had the beam loaded in place on the truck. When it appeared the forklift had the load placed firmly we were stepping forward and something went wrong and the load started to fall right at us then stopped falling at a very awkward angle as the forklift driver tried to catch it on the way down. Another forklift had to be bought over to correct it but I know steel and balancing points/loads very well and I swear that nothing was holding that beam up, it should have kept falling and taken the two of us out.
Now may I tell you about my favorite miracle, it came at a very bad time in my life. I was addicted to marijuana and smoked a lot and all that coughing actually blew a hole inside my throat wall lining through the muscle(called a pharingial pouch). The result of having a hole in my throat is that food would get stuck in the hole and stop me from breathing so the process I ate by was a small mouth full of food and attempt to swallow then press my thumb in below my Adams apple to push the food out of the hole and then drink it down with a mouth full of water. I was on the public waiting list for an operation so it was going to be a bit of a wait and I asked the doctor what should I do in the mean time, he told me "Don't choke". I was pretty sure I was going to die but could not stop my addiction and another problem surfaced. I would be asleep and reallise like in a dream that I was not breathing, in a dream I am trying to tell myself to wake up and breathe and then finally you wake and gasp for breath, I knew I was dead and was just biding my time getting by the best I could.
Then one night I woke to sense a face right next to mine on top of me, even with your eyes shut you know if some one is in your personal space. I can't say how I knew, but I knew it was an angel and when an angel is that close to you breathing on your face, the breath of an angel is the air of paradise. No ocean breeze or mountain air could ever be even half as wonderful as the breath of an angel, Just a touch of this air felt like it alone could cure cancer. I just laid there with my eyes shut and breathed so deeply with no focus on time but knowing that now I have had a breath of paradise that I was destined to go there. That night changed my life more than any other experience I have known.
My brother who was killed at work when he was just 21 also knew of angels, when he was 4 he went to wake our father to show him the angels playing outside his window but by the time dad got there they had all gone.
Still to come, all the miracles that I have been part of.
Saintan, Where I come from and about this web site.
The Holy Spirit was burning hot inside of me, "was" being the dominant word. I tried so hard to show the power of God had not left this world but I could not find any where in today's society that would allow that to happen. 2 X Baptists pastors, an Anglican (all of which I already knew personally) and then some. I felt the spirit so strong and it was screaming to be let out to show its power through God but society would not allow this to happen.
Instead of healing, I caused pain from the explosion God had planted in my heart. We had recently bought a car from a man who had been in a motor cycle accident 12 months prior and was left in a wheel chair from a broken back and suffered a lot of sustained pain. I messaged him that I was working on a new website through the power of God and as soon as I am finished it then I will come to see him to allow God to heal him if he could just believe. Lets just say that the message was not well received and I am still so intensely sorry to have caused you even more pain.
I finished the web site and felt the best place to allow God to shine was the Westmead Children's Hospital, I needed to see if there was truth behind my website and wanted proof for myself that God had indeed spoken his message through me and God would heal a dyeing child before my very own eyes.
My mothers advice was do not just walk into the hospital as they will call the police and have you locked up so I thought the best approach then would be to go to the police 1st with my intention to allow God to show a miracle of healing of a child about to die. I begged the police officer just to at least ring the hospital and ask if any child was expected to die this night and I will stand against a wall with you between me and the child and just talk to the child about God. I will not mention anything about being healed, I will just talk about God. No phone call was made, no one was saved and I am sorry if a child was lost that night, "In Gods care!"
I went to see my local Pastor and told him the whole story and asked to be tested . I asked if he new of any one in need of healing but he suggested I might be just a little over zealous with my recent receiving of the Holy Spirit, another wasn't interested while the 3rd just ignored it all and hoped it would all go away.
The Muslims offered me a lolly when I went to see them while the head Anglican office in Sydney were all to busy to be disturbed apparently to even hear my story. The Catholic HQ asked for an email after a phone conversation but nothing and apparently had no one available to see me when I visited them as they were all in important meetings.
I was leaving the state for a new life and felt the Holy Spirit inside of me had been beaten into submission to the point I started to question my own faith. With the doubts placed in my mind, it would be highly unlikely for God to show me a healing, that time has passed and is no longer required for I have been blessed by God once again to allow my spirit to lift and see no need for such proof for the directions I am trying to achieve.
But before you lose hope that God no longer heals in this world, let me share with you what the Holy Spirit shared to me when it was still raging hot inside of me.
"Prayer Rings" when done right can be an extremely powerful request to God for we know that God does indeed listen to our prayers. Prayer rings are to be made up of children, if ten children are not loud enough for a healing then gather a thousand children in a ring to pray for the one in need of healing in the center of the ring. There are places in your heart that only a child can fill, God also has a special place in his heart for a child and we all know how hard it is to resist a child you love when they ask so nicely.